6 Mistakes Suzuki Parents Make (And What to Do Instead)

I'm not usually one to dwell on mistakes...but there are just a few things I see practice parents doing that drive me up the wall. These are the honest mistakes you might make in an effort to help your child, but that are actually holding them back.

#1: Giving the Wrong Choices

Allowing choice is a great way to foster a sense of agency and ownership for your Suzuki child. However, you should only offer choices that don't include a wrong answer.

Here are some examples of problematic choices, where a child could choose something that we actually want them to steer clear of:

• Do you want to practice today? "No!"

• Do you want to practice now or after dinner? "After dinner" (the child will be tired and unfocused).

• Would you like to play Allegro for me? "No."

• How many times do you want to practice that spot? "Zero times."

  
  

How to offer choice instead:

• We're going to practice now. Do you want to start with scales or your review piece?

• Which practice game would you like to play today?

• Would you rather play Allegro or Perpetual Motion?

• Choose a number between 5 and 10. That's how many times we'll practice this spot.

#2: Making your child responsible for their own motivation

The thing that reliably sets my teeth on edge when talking with prospective Suzuki parents sounds something like this:

"We're going to try out violin and see if she likes it."

Now, you're probably thinking that I'm in favor of forcing children to play a musical instrument regardless of their preferences...what a mean teacher! I assure you, that is not the case.

When I hear a parent say something like the quote above, I can tell that they are going to resist taking responsibility for their child's enjoyment of the violin. They're expecting the violin to do it all for them, and if their child magically falls in love and is eager to practice every day, that's how they'll know it's the right activity for them.

News flash: there is not a single child who sometimes doesn't want to practice. Including the kids who go on to be professional musicians. And those who don't. All of them.

It is your job as the parent to find ways to make practice enjoyable and exciting (see Practice Games Your Child Will Actually Love for some inspo), and it is also your job to deal with their crabbiness on the days they just can't be persuaded.

There's no getting around the fact that learning an instrument is sometimes hard and boring. It's also rewarding and transformative and beautiful, but it's not going to feel like that every day. The hard and boring days are usually not a good reason to quit.

#3: Not listening to the recording

Most Suzuki parents I've encountered are very on board with the whole listening thing. It makes intuitive sense that a child can't learn to play a song by ear if they don't already know what the song sounds like -- and the only way they can get to that point is by listening nonstop.

What a lot of parents DON'T do is listen to the recording themselves. In this day and age, it's easy to put the music on in the kid's room, or even have them listen with headphones. This becomes an issue when it's your job to help your child through a tricky passage, or when they're stuck in the middle of Minuet 2 because they can't figure out the next note. If YOU don't know what the song sounds like, there's absolutely no way you can help them in those moments.

If there's one change you make to your Suzuki routine this week, this should be it: start listening along with your child. Your confidence and ability to coach them will improve astronomically.

#4: Letting your child slip into independent practicing too soon

It is a simple fact of child development that very few, if any, kids under the age of 12 have strong enough executive functioning skills to practice effectively on their own. Think about all the different thing a musician needs to keep track of:

• Correct fingerings

• Correct bowings/breaths

• Good intonation

• Beautiful tone

• Correct posture

• Steady rhythm

• Expressive elements like dynamics, phrasing, and articulation

• What am I supposed to be focusing on right now?

• Did I successfully do the thing I was aiming for? (More on this in a future post!)

And each of these things can involve dozens of smaller details.

Long story short, I don't think I've ever met a 9 or 10 year old who can deal with all of that at once. 11 is typically a good age to begin the transition to independent practicing, but even then, a smooth and successful transition typically takes at least a year.

#5: Not communicating with your teacher

Struggles with home practice can often be a source of shame for Suzuki parents. "Why can't I make this work? Why is it always so hard?" These are some of the pesky thoughts that might be creeping into your head when you have a particularly difficult practice session with your child.

Let me put you at ease right now: EVERYONE has those moments. And the worst thing you can do is suffer in silence, letting the practice issues fester without asking for help. Your teacher will undoubtedly want to know when things are rough at home, and will likely have some helpful suggestions.

I ask all the Suzuki parents in my studio to send me a weekly Practice Journal, answering the following questions:

• What went well this week?

• What was tricky?

• What did you focus on the most?

• What do you need support with?

This gives us an open line of communication that takes place away from the child's curious ears, so we can discuss sensitive topics in private.

Consider asking your teacher if they would be willing to read a brief practice reflection from you each week. My guess is that their response will be an enthusiastic YES!

#6: Keeping lessons in a vacuum

When violin feels disconnected from the rest of their lives, students are more likely to struggle with interest and motivation. On the other hand, when they see classical music in places outside of their practice room, it starts to have a deeper appeal. Here are some ways you can make music lessons feel more relevant:

• Go to concerts: Role models are powerful! Expose your child to professional musicians who can inspire them and help them imagine where they might be many years down the road.

• Participate in group class: If your teacher doesn't already require it, sign up for a studio group class or other ensemble (many cities have youth orchestra programs that can fill this purpose). Playing music with other children their age can help students develop a sense of community around their instrument.

• Listen outside of the Suzuki repertoire: Look for music played by your child's instrument, so they can hear what polished, virtuosic performance sounds like. This gives them something to reach for.

  
  
  
  

Conclusion

Many of the mistakes I see practice parents making come out of a genuine, heartfelt desire to help their kids out with the difficult process of learning an instrument. Sometimes our own best intentions work against us, however, and we have to make sure the practice-parenting choices we make now will continue to serve our Suzuki children in the future.